How do you show someone you love them?
OrganicSteph
The following is one answer from a fellow gaian on: How do you show someone you love them?
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for April 23, 2008:
To answer this question, first I have to state my definition of love. Love is such a well known word but not powerful enough. "Love" isn't a word or a action or even a feeling but all and more. It takes over your heart, your mind, your whole being untill nothing exhists besides the object of the affection. It becomes the quintessence, the pure essence of a substance (in this case the person) or the trait that defines and establishes the character of the person. This being said the way I show "love" is to open my heart completely, no walls, no barriers, just me. When I love I commit fully and entirely. I hold nothing back and some say that this leaves me open for hurt but I believe that it helps me gain what we all yearn for, not a "boyfriend", not a relationship, but a chance to share my life with someone who will understand all of me, my dreams and desires and flaws too, and in turn I will know all of them. To me this is the ultimate partnership, the fable soulmate.
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print | permalink | delete about 1 month later OrganicSteph said
I agree with how you put what is called, "unconditional love". To open yourself, uncloaked, unmasked, unclothed and naked with nothing but total love for someone unquivicolly, nothing asked for in return, just taking the risk and giving your heart and not worrying about it or what comes of it. Giving... just you.
People are so scared, ridden with fear, afraid of getting hurt, wanting some sort of promise or something they can keep for security to ensure that their love will be reciprocated. What rubbish. This in itself should not be a condition for allowing oneself to be vulnerable enough to give love. The payoff for being this way is self protection from getting hurt. The cost? The cost is not being able to give love thereby not being able to receive it. (People who live with fear of rejection or pain for the sake of loving are not free but in a prison unto themselves and will only attract what they put out or most importantly....WHAT THEY FEAR MOST!"
I may be nuts (I dunt zink zo) but...to me, the cost is much greater than the payoff and in that case, I am willing to go through the possibility of being hurt or disappointed for the sake of being able to allow myself to be vulnerable and LOVE in the first place and I am not afraid or ashamed of it and neither should you be. Like you said, what you and I really want is to be accepted for all that we are and all that we are not and when we find someone to accept all there is about us, this defines the "fable soulmate".
QaR
July 2008 
What scares me is that ONE WORD can sometimes be all it takes to make or break things with people.
It is a real shame when the word LOVE is a word that would break things with people. What is wrong with loving someone or people. Maybe i was born in the wrong time or era. Maybe I would have fit in better as a hippy chick, flower child or one that bringeth on the peace and love. What is the big deal about expressing or saying love? I try to love all people and find something good to love about them, even enemies; not romantically, of course, but as people who need people, friendship, support etc.
What ever the case may be I can understand the scary feeling, one of being spooked by it, especially if I dont feel the same way as the person, am not ready for that level or the fear of knowing that I can actually love the person back with all my heart and the fear of vulnerability after all, we are all human. I will say that if someone does get unerved by it, to the point that they would want to jet….they should examine themselves as to what the reasons are…. why? I think it is scarier being WITHOUT LOVE than it is to be LOVED.
Have you ever had someone say it too soon, or is that not an issue? I have had friends who said that people have said that one word, or perhaps one phrase “I LOVE YOU” change everything…said too early, coming on too strong, etc…
We love, we hate, we fear, we feel…but we also worry about how others percieve us and when in a relationship it becomes magnified…
Saying “I love you” to a friend versus saying it to a significant other is two different worlds…saying it to a significant other is a path wrought with peril, it seems. Why is that? Why do we overthink things? Why must we turn a melody in to a cacophany?
I personally do believe that life would be a lot better with more love and less apathy…
It scares me that things like this happen in this world…
I don't expect you to have the answers, Steph, just thinking out loud after a long day. Forgive any pessimism that slipped through.
Yeah, I can agree that it can be said too soon in the heat of the moment or in a state of sheer excitement to have found someone who seems so awesome. I have been on both ends. I have been scared off and I had scared off others as well and hell, I even scared off meself ha ha (this is true) and so I took it out on the poor guy not realizing what the heck was happening or becoming of me. Talk about being besides yourself lol. I guess timing is important…. when is a good time though, you know, to say… hey, i think your awesome and I love you man.
Yes, one has to step out to receive love… which means giving love without expectation, without condition. It's very much about bravery.
If I may, I'll link you to my sweetheart's feelings on the subject, which, I must say is what confirmed for me that he was able to receive my love, often the challenge I have had. I certainly knew what I wanted: I had put 'The Invitation' out there to the universe, but I couldn't be quite certain what another's intentions were.
Most important, however, is the sentiments in Alan's blog about wanting the best and demanding it for yourself. But it will require putting your best self out there also.
It's working quite great this far.
Peace and love. sherri